A couple months ago, I started seeing a naturopath to help with some digestive issues I have been having for as long as I can remember. The experience has been good, and has produced noticeable progress, but last week when I went it for my follow-up, I was told that my blood tests showed that I am allergic to wheat, gluten and yeast.
At first, I was only a little upset. I had not been eating wheat for almost two months, and was doing ok. But when I learned that it was an actual allergy, something that was more than just temporary, it was a suprise. Anyone that knows me knows that bread is my favorite "food." Going off of bread for a couple months wasn't as horrible as I thought, so I wasn't too concerned there. I wasn't extremely crushed to find out I couldn't enjoy my wheat-y desserts anymore, but when it hit me that I couldn't enjoy making them anymore, all hope was lost (for that night).
I can remember back to when I was 13 or 14 years old. I've always loved it. I remember my first "signature" dessert - one that I felt I could rely upon to produce good results - was a pound cake recipe my mom picked up from the local fruit market newsletter. It was printed on blue paper and I made it for years with no changes. Since then, I had tried many other recipes, and in the last few years, really worked hard to adjust accordingly the get results that met my standards. I finally reached a point - in just the last year - where I felt I had a handful of go-to recipes I could trust and turn to whenever I needed to take something to a party, to fulfil my sweet tooth, or to de-stress from daily events.
But learning that I could no longer have gluten - which is present in many of my recipes - meant that I was stripped of my recipe collection. Everything I had learned in all these years would get swept under the rug. I would have to start all over again, and ignore my last 15 or so years of baking. It was a sad moment. I understand that I can adjust my recipes and find new ones that will fit my new lifestyle, but to feel as if all your work is no longer worthy is a hard fact to deal with. There is so much to learn about going GF - so many flours, so many different chemical reactions to consider. I feel exhausted jut thinking about it. I know that with time, I will be able to reach a new point where I will have a new collection. But in the meantime, I will grieve for what I have lost.
And maybe this blog will evolve. Before it was meant to document my new apartment and living situation. Then I thought I could use it to practice writing (since it had been so long). I may now use it as a journal where I can evaluate the progress (or lack thereof) of learning to work with these new ingredients. Who knows what is to come. But it may be the support I need - the vehicle with which to vent or express joy.
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